The right way to talk to the coach when you have concerns…

It happens. And if it hasn’t happened yet for you…it will. It’s almost a rite of passage as a baseball parent when you decide it’s necessary to intervene and have a conversation with the coach. That, in and of itself, is normal. We are our children’s best advocates. We know them better than anyone and it’s our job to speak up on their behalf when they’re too young to do it on their own.

But there’s a right way and a wrong way to have these kinds of conversations, and, if handled well, it almost always brings about a positive outcome.

99% of the time these conversations have to do with playing time, and, more often than not, these meeting requests come after a miserable game. It’s a very emotional topic for many parents and sometimes that emotion carries over into the delivery of the message, which immediately puts the coach on the defensive and often leads to a very short conversation.

As an owner of a baseball academy myself, I’ve been part of countless chats just like this and here are some things I can share with you on how to make these discussions productive.

1) Give yourself time to cool off. Do not approach the coach immediately after a game. Do not linger next to the dugout. Do not follow him to his car. Do not send a 5 paragraph text on the way home from a game. Give yourself, and the coach, 24 hours before you request a meeting. I’ve literally had parents call me DURING a game demanding a meeting with the coach and I always tell them to give it 24 hours to collect their thoughts and leave raw emotion on the shelf before having a meeting.

2) Do not start an email, text or conversation with “I’m not that parent, but….” . By saying that, you are admitting that your are, in fact, that parent.

3) Do your homework. If your team has Game Changer or some other kind of app that tracks game statistics, have your numbers ready. Not in an aggressive way, but make sure you know what you’re talking about before you go in there. Often times parents think one thing, but the data shows a different story. Numbers are just one piece of the puzzle, but they don’t lie.

4) Do not throw other kids under the bus. This conversation is about YOUR player. Instead of saying “why is my son riding the bench when you have Jimmy at short all the time and Jimmy can’t field a ball cleanly even when it’s hit right to him!” try something like “Coach I know my son sometimes struggles at the plate but is there another reason he’s not getting a lot of playing time? Is there something we can work on with him at home that will help improve his chance to be in the lineup more? We want to give him the best chance possible so we’re here to ask for your insight.”

5) Actually listen to what the coach has to say and try to look objectively at the entire situation. Often times, both parties see things a little differently after these meetings, when handled with maturity.

Now….if your player is old enough to be having these conversations on his own, you should encourage him to initiate the meeting himself. You can be with him, as a support system, but at a certain point, the player needs to take the lead.

And, as always, our kids watch our behavior and how we deal with adversity. Think about that when you’re about to trash talk the coach or another player on the ride home….