The Dream Team: Parents, Coaches and Kids Working Together

Travel baseball is typically an interesting mix of different people and personalities.  You’ve got the volunteer coaches.  The moms.  The dads.  The players who may or may not even want to be there.  The opposing coaches and parents.  The umpires.  It’s a lot of moving parts.

And when you have all those people trying to be part of the story, even if it’s with the best intentions, sometimes things go haywire. 

I’ve learned through the years that the best way to “help” is to simply trust the process. 

Let’s start with the coach.  The coach has made a commitment to lead the team, often without any kind of financial compensation.  That’s a big commitment involving countless hours of planning and execution, time away from his own family, and decisions that keep him up at night.  He sees stats, slumps and pitch counts in his sleep.  He spends hours on the phone with opposing coaches scheduling games and field times, and then changing them at the last minute because of a thunderstorm.  He responds to parents’ emails about playing time, directions to an opposing field, and conflicts.  Naturally the coach wants to have a winning season.  But there’s so much more at stake.  A good coach wants the kids to learn the game.  To grow.  To become athletes.  To become respectful individuals and productive members of society.  Never underestimate the importance of a good coach in the life of your child.

 To that end, let’s now talk about the parents.  Parents should offer assistance to the coach.  Sometimes that assistance can be taken literally – maybe you’re asked to help at practices or keep the book.  Great.  Do so willingly.  But sometimes “assistance” is as simple as offering moral support, staying out of the way, and respecting the process. 

 How can parents do this? 

 Establish a good relationship with the coach early on.  Have open lines of communication and make sure you are clear on the coach’s expectations for the team.  Get your child to practice 10-15 minutes early so he can be prepared and ready to start on time.  Offer to reinforce things learned at practice at home.  Encourage your son to work hard….even on the off days.  Be sportsmanlike in the stands.  Preach respect and help your other team parents get on board.  Thank the coach regularly and sincerely.

 What should parents avoid?  Do not coach from the stands.  You may have played in college. You may coach somewhere else. We get it. You know the game. But if you’re not the coach of this team? Don’t do it. Respect the process. 

 Don’t badmouth the coach (or for that matter the umpires, the opposing players or even the kids on your own team) after a game….particularly after a loss.  Your emotions may be running high but remember, so are your son’s, and he needs to see you stay calm and not throw other people under the bus.  Never say “Well if Johnny had made that catch in center field this game would have had a very different ending.”  Listen – your kid knows that Johnny made an error.  Heck, even Johnny knows he made an error and I’m sure he’s not able to sleep right now but that’s all part of baseball.  You think Johnny wanted to miss that fly ball?  Probably not…  It doesn’t help anyone to lay blame.  Your child will learn from you – be dignified in your post-game commentary.  It’s ok to rehash over ice cream after a loss, but keep it positive. 

 Don’t hover.  When you drop your son off at practice or a game, give him over to the coach and to the team.  He belongs to them for the next 2 hours or so.  You can watch – from afar.  But don’t interject yourself unless asked to do so by the coach.   This will help reinforce the concept that when your child is at the field, he listens to the coach.  The coach has the plan.  Respect the process. 

 The bottom line is that when parents and coaches team up to create good, respectful athletes, everybody wins.  It’s a partnership.  Take that seriously, work together, respect each other and, most importantly, respect the process.